As an adult in a blended family we’re given plenty of opportunities to think we’ve got it tough, but what about the kids? Children in a blended family have gone through two major upheavals in their short life. Firstly the loss of their bio parent’s relationship and secondly the formation of the new blended family, both of which they have had little or no say in. Now some children respond more positively to blending than others; their age can have some bearing on this. If a child in your family isn’t welcoming of a stepsibling, don’t allow put-downs to go unnoticed. Take them aside (so they don’t feel shamed) and address the undesirable behavior. Have some clearly defined family values and use the opportunity to reinforce them, e.g. “In our family we treat each other with respect by …”.
Here's your chance to help others by sharing what you’ve done to help build positive stepsibling relationships in your blended family. We look forward to your response!
Warm regards
Adele Cornish BSW
Blended Family Advisor
About Me
- Adele Cornish
- Lower Hutt, New Zealand
- Adele has a passion for helping blended families. Equiped with a Degree in Social Work, Adele has extensively researched the complex struggles associated with blended families. She has spent thousands of hours reading, interviewing, and collating hundreds of families’ experiences and addressing their concerns. Her research combined with practical application has enabled her to develop the Blending Lives Program which has helped hundreds of blended families world wide. Adele has appeared on national television and radio, published a book and written magazine feature articles on topics relating to Blended Families. Adele is part of a blended family. She is a biological mother of three boys and has been a stepmother of two children for sixteen years.
7 comments:
What we have been doing is letting them know that it is OK for them to support each other in sports, friends, and homework. They are together for the summer, but they are apart during school year and they are allowed to do messenger and email each other. Once in awhile their schools play against each other, we make sure to attend those games and are happy when they are still friends.
In our home, our family is not blended. The children just ignore each other. I guess it's better than fighting. They don't have to like each other but they at least have to be respectful. There is an age difference too. In our home things aren't even. I think it should be. It's very difficult and I'm not sure if we'll ever be blended or if my marriage will make it.
Hi Adele,
I am so pleased to report to you that in the last five years - there is
hardly any sibling rivalry in our household! My husband and I have 5
children - his, mine and ours..(the "ours is 2 years old). Since having our two year old, our four older teenagers have become very close and "Noah" is now the centre of those 4 kids. He is also a good form of birth control as well.haha.
We have three boys, 18,17 & 15 and my daughter is 15. When one of them
messes up, the other three come to the rescue. We will ask them
questions about what happened, and they won't "rat" on each other at
all. Finally, my husband gets out of one of them what happens and the
issue is resolved in a fair manner.
My husband and I pray everyday for His guidance upon our family and our marriage. I feel the way we love each other as husband and wife pours over into our children. How my husband and I treat each other and live our lives, sets an example to our children and I truely believe it makes them feel "secure" and knowing they have a place to live that is at peace. My husband's ex wife threw their 18 year old out and he now lives with us. The change in that boy is unbelievable. His
mother and new husband(step father) fight all the time and therefore he felt he
was living in a war zone. Today, he is holding down a full time job and coming home everynight to dinner (he never ate at his mothers) and then
we all crash in the family room and watch some tv and chat about out
day.
Blending families is the hardest thing I can say I will have ever
accomplished in this lifetime - so far. We thank God everyday for all
his blessings and its sure nice to know that when families are going
through a tough time..that blended families can survive just as well.
God Bless and have a great day
TAnya
My significant other and I are not married but plan to have a life together (we've known each other over 20 years). I'm not about to marry again. His daughter is difficult to be around. She's actually not his "blood" child but he was with her mother when she was 6 weeks old so he has kind of taken her under his wing (she is 10 now) after they broke up. This had made it difficult to bond with her because I feel like she is someone else's child, not my significant others. She is rude to my own 10 year old daughter and very competitive with her and makes comments like "she just wants to be like me" and "she wants this because I have it". It makes my daughter angry because she does not want to be like her. Step-sibling fighting will probably be a forever thing in our family.
most of my children welcome their there step brother. they are are older and have family of their own.they have a step mom talking out with him is helpful never think he is ok with things all the time. you need to reinforce your love and things they need as why i am there i have 5 childen that at times is confusing to a son who is alone.
as a step mom I need Gods strengh and wisdom...
It's always important to give each child some quality time and maintain a level of respect and politeness in the family.
I do want to comment even though there is no stepsibling rivalry in our supposed blended family because there is only one young child - my husband's. My son is out on his own. You speak of living in a household that first and foremost must have respect even if there is dislike, however my new husband has allowed different forms and levels of disrespect from his daughter. The idea of teaching and maintaining the idea of respect amongst siblings or others in general must start with respect of the children toward the parents in the household. Showing children what respect is, will help them know how to treat others.
I am struggling in this relationship. The lack of respect and the differing definitions of respect is causing a huge rift. I am not the priority. My husband would rather keep his daughter comfortable without the need to discipline than make for a pleasant living environment for all. HIs definition of respect is minimal. His standards of respect are low. His ex-wife disrespects him and his time frequently. So respect starts with the parents - and should be expected from the children. Throughout life as an adult we will have to deal with and work side by side with people we don't necessarily like or want to befriend, however we keep our jobs and our self-respect by respecting others. It starts in the home.
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